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9 customer service phrases that should be deleted immediately

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I was recently on hold for customer service at a large website and the more I listened to their pre-recorded messages the more I realized that the standard on-hold customer service verbiage was the worst of the weasel wording. Here are the 9 worst offenders and what they really mean:

1. “For your convenience …”

Translation: “We will greatly inconvenience you in order to increase our profit margins by making you wait.”

2. “Please stay on the line and we’ll be with you shortly.”

Translation: “Grab a sandwich and fire up YouTube in a side window because you’re going to be waiting a long, long time.”

3. “Due to an unusually high call volume …”

Translation: “Due to the fact that we are unwilling to staff customer service …”

4. “Your call is important to us.”

Translation: “You are a costly nuisance to us.”

5. “Our representatives help clients like you.”

Translation: “The only person we have assigned to customer service is at lunch.”

6. “Your feedback is important to us.”

Translation: “We want you to report the service reps if they’re not afraid when you yell at them so that we can stiffen them up, when it comes to the salary review. “

7. “You can find help faster on our website.”

Translation: “Please leave before we have to pay someone to help you; we’d rather you waste your time pretending that our ‘AI’ can get you a useful answer. “

8. “We look forward to exceeding your expectations.”

Translation: “We are actively trying, through our service policies and long wait times, to lower your expectations to the point where you’ll be grateful if you end up talking to something with a pulse.”

9. “We value your business.”

The opinions expressed here by the columnists of Inc.com are theirs and not those of Inc.com.


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